Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
