he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
