Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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