i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
