:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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