new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
she told me i tasted like america
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
