Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
we're making bets on your personal life
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
