she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
