My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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