remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
