Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
