Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize