This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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