some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
