she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
