I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
