Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
