How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Found your dick twin last night
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
