Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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