I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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