i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
