There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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