You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
