good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
