I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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