New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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