I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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