i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
