the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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