12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
