i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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