i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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