Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
