But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
