i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He did a backflip because drugs
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