The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
