i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
