took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
