She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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