I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
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I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
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I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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