Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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