Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
