i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm at about main and main street
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
