it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
