I murdered the dance floor call the cops
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
