I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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