THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
