my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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