I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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