Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You need a sexual gate keeper
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
