so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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