she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
no more duck duck goose at the bar
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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