The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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