umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
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Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
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You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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