Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
