The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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