Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
