he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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