shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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