"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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