dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
