I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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