I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
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I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
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I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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