We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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