I CAN MOONWALK!
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
